Friday, August 30, 2013

Together We Made It

You were a spark that slowly lit the flame. Steadily, it matured into a bonfire that kept growing and eventually snowballed into a blaze.

I recall our first encounter. Pioneer Mall and you were conversing with an acquaintance of mine. The random exchange of words ended up with me telling you that I'm a lesbian.

So you took her out. Her and her friends. See, my acquaintance didn't see it coming. Neither did I. You with your friends. Me with the acquaintance and a friend. And then your Paco Rabanne caught my nose.

Fast-forward, a year later, we still are. We've done it all. And it's with you I've learned to see life as beautiful. I've seen very breath-taking places with you and our unparalleled appreciation for nature has been a factor that made our travels worthwhile. There's still more places we're going to.

Then at some point I thought we were broken. But no, we were just bent. Took some work and dedication to get us back in shape again. Your patience inspires me to be the best I can be. Honestly, I don't know how you do it. I'm impossible. But because you never give up on me, I know you're for keeps.

I love you. I hope you know that. And even though right now we're waiting in the calm before the storm, this too, shall pass.


Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Vodacom

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Losing Friends

This doesn't in any way under the sun compare to losing a lover. Because it's never going to be the same. And nothing prepares you for it. It's like running in an open road and then BAM! Out of nowhere, you hit a brick wall. you don't see it coming.

Friends are people you call for any occasion. You wanna go out clubbing? Friends. You wanna go shopping? Friends. You wanna go just mess with people?(Like what me and someone did in Vegas) Friends. And even if you have that someone special in your life, friends are a necessity.

Friends know so much about you! Even those imperfections and bits you'd rather keep from your woman, or man. They've been in your life longer than your partner and it's only natural that they know more. So when they leave....sigh....when they leave you and suddenly become strangers, imagine the pain.

Now they hang with other people at your favourite spots and with them they take away your secrets and one word to the wrong people could destroy you. What do you do?

On the 20th, it was the birthday of one such friend, the lost one. I don't know what happened, things just went left...and being estranged from her hurts. But what can I do, she seems happy. At least I hope she is. For over 20 years we were inseparable, then she got married. Then things changed.

***************************************
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Vodacom

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Below The Surface

On a constant basis, I'm tempted to post exactly what's on my mind. In my heart. But my first thought is "What the hell?" I couldn't possibly. I want that. To just let it all out. Who knows, maybe everything would fall into place. Maybe I'd finally find some clarity. But as usual, I find it best to be the only to know what's in my heart.

I'm an official talkative. That I know. But it always takes more than an effort to talk from the soul. To dig out what's within. Below the surface. To air dirty laundry. I can go on all day talking about "nothing". And in all that, I never forget to wear my armour.

And lately, with everything that's been happening, having important decisions to make, I feel different. I feel grown. I feel I'm ready to conquer my deepest fears. Love has been kind and confusing and downright ridiculous. And in all the emotions it has put me, all that matters is knowing that it exists.

So yes, I'm embracing it. Wholeheartedly. I'll breath it in and not exhale. Until I'm about to burst. I don't have to run. I can just bask in its glory and let it rain on my parade. Yes, I'm in love and have been...for sometime now. And I couldn't be any happier.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Vodacom

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Old Love Vs New Love

I don't know about you but to me there's nothing as unsettling as falling in love. You spend days on end thinking of the person and when you're with them your mind just trails off into a perfect world in your mind where this person is doing things to you and in the process give this person the impression that your bored because you keep missing everything they say.

You can spend ours with them but hear nothing they say. And even a day at their side feels like a second and you just want them to stay with you some more. Your first thought is of them and your last when you sleep is the same. It's even worse when they have no idea you feel the way you do. Then all you have are fantasies not given a chance to materialize.

You try to keep your composure when around them because you're scared they don't feel the same and even if they tell you they do, it seems too good to be true so you wear an armour around them. And if you're with someone else, this person still gets to you. No matter how much the old love has you bound, the new love will cut deep and still strike a nerve deep within until you have no choice but to fall and fall and fall in love.

*****************************************

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Vodacom

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Mother's Little Helpers

*If you haven't seen the movie, get it.

When it comes to telling the truth, one shouldn't subscribe to the confining rules of the tempting sugar-coating principle. Unless you work in a bakery of course.

This post is not about the movie. It's about real-life women who couldn't care less about older men even if you paid them. For some reason, the younger they are, the better. So age ain't nothing but a number, they say.

We all know for a fact that you don't have a voice when your heart makes a choice. The only option you have is to blindly follow its beat. Even if it leads you into a Ben10 Phenomenon. So, I undoubtedly believe that for some, it is love. However, for some, it's just an elusion from the hindering, obnoxiously possessive psychological repression.

It doesn't really give an all-round desirable outcome when you restrain yourself from something you constantly desire. It can only get worse as you begin to feel like a prisoner of solitary confinement. So driven by some magical internal force, thñese women finally raise a white flag and submit to their desires. And we know some of them are very happy.

Then there's another possible reason: the power struggle. It's been a battlefield out there presumably since the inception of time. Men and women struggle for power and none of these parties wants to back down. And from what I hear, what partner is more agreeable and willing to please than a younger one?

Yes, I believe they're easy to control. After all, they have a certain degree of respect owing to the age gap. Don't they? These women are simply classified as control freaks. They probably have a significant male figure in their lives that treats them like dirt and they want a man who will pay for that. Be it their boss, brother, uncle...etc. Lol. "Ha e iphetetse ka eo e e hlabileng"
Sorry I have no idea how to translate that.

Which reminds me, guys, be very careful of women with Daddy Issues. Trust me, you WILL pay for their fathers' sins.

******************************************

NB. Don't leave a comment. Post in on my Google+ account at the bottom of this page.
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Vodacom

Friday, August 2, 2013

3, 285 Long Days

There are a billion moments in my life when everything just takes the wrong shape and with every lesson life forced me to learn, I still never find solutions to most of the problems I encounter. I don't get it, I have had to play so many roles in my lifetime but I swear sometimes everything just feels so new.

It would be an absolute lie if I said I'm alright. If I said, I finally understand that you'd served your purpose in life and you were ready to leave. No. I was 15 and I needed you more than ever. I remember...feeling like my heart had stopped. Then shutting all emotion down and going to school the next day like all was well. Only to break down in class and I swear to God I thought the tears would never stop.

Fast-forward to 9years later, I'm in my bed. Thinking of you. Watching IceAge3 with my daughter, someone you have yet to meet. And she keeps hugging and kissing me, as if she can see through my smile. I miss you Mom. And even though I'm not completely fine, at least now I'm not a wreck as compared to the past years. Instead I'm looking back at all the good times we had with a smile.

Yes, I miss you. It's only natural.

******************************************
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Vodacom